Minako

Why Eeteuk is Not a Woman (Super Junior)

Eeteuk slammed the laptop shut and sighed, banging his head dramatically against the wall.

Kibum froze, staring at his leader in surprise. "Uh, hyung... is something wrong?"

"I'm not. a. woman." Eeteuk said, glaring at the laptop in disgust.

Kibum glanced from the laptop to his leader and back to the laptop, the wheels turning in his head.

"... Hyung, have you been reading fanfiction?"

Eeteuk looked up at Kibum suddenly, a thinly veiled look of horror on his face. "Of course not, why would you-"

The younger gave him a look that clearly said 'I know exactly what you were doing and I wish you'd just admit it before I go over there and check it myself.'

Eeteuk's eyes widened as Kibum moved closer. "I was just updating my minihompy. I don't want you to see what I wrote yet, it's not done."

"Hyung." Kibum took another step towards him. "Your minihompy does not have an ad banner."

"..." Eeteuk put an arm over the computer, hugging it protectively. "Just believe me. I'm your hyung." He was running out of excuses.

"Hyung, quit being stubborn. It was in English."

Kibum took two more steps and slid the laptop neatly out of Eeteuk's grip before sitting down and looking at it.

"...It's not like I read fanfiction regularly, or anything, I just... stumbled on this and... it's... good..." Eeteuk mumbled, fixing his hair nervously.

Kibum scanned the page quickly, the look on his face changing from mildly amused to intensely entertained.

"I told you. And I can't even understand all of it."

Kibum held up a hand.

"Hyung, I wasn't going to suggest that you read it regularly... although now that you mention it, not all of those sites were ad-free."

He scanned the site again.

"Hmm...." was all he said before he fell silent again, fingers still moving the page up and down.

“. . . Can I have it back now? I want to see what Kangin said.”

Kibum chuckled. "I thought you were just complaining about it saying that you were a woman?"

He paused for a moment before adding, "Noona?" with a cheeky grin.

Eeteuk sputtered, yanking the laptop away from Kibum. "I'm ALL man, thank you."

"Mhmm... Okay." Kibum stood up again and turned to leave, but not before turning around and looking Eeteuk up and down with a speculative eye.

He shrugged.

"It could be worse. You could be like Yunho-hyung and have moobies."

***

Kangin walked into the living room, where the majority of Super Junior was hanging out. "Hey everyone... have you noticed how weird Eeteuk-hyung has been acting?"

"What happened?" Kyuhyun asked, sliding over on the couch to make more room for Kangin.

"...He said he envied me for being 'Appa'."

"Wow... that is weird."

Sungmin wibbled, clutching a stuffed rabbit. "Today he refused to play tea party with me!"

"He didn't want to wear an apron while he was cooking..." Hankyung said softly from his seat on the couch beside Siwon.

"Oh," Eunhyuk said, "Was that the screaming I heard during lunch?"

Hankyung nodded. "... Maybe we should have something that doesn't have so much grease tomorrow..."

"And since when did he hate my scooter?" Shindong said, cutting in.

Kyuhyun hesitantly patted Shindong's back, only to have the bigger man turn away from him angrily.

"It's NOT a girly color!"

"...it's pink, hyung."

Sungmin lept to his feet. "PINK IS AWESOME!"

Kyuhyun pulled him back down.

Yesung looked around. "So what was he doing all day?"

Siwon raised his hand. "He joined me and Hankyung-hyung in the practice room and started break-dancing."

"... Break-dancing?"

Siwon and Hankyung looked at each other.

"Something about... manly abs."

Eunhyuk looked surprised. "Does he do that?"

Hankyung grimaced as Siwon shook his head. "Not really."

"He said aliens were really cool today!" Donghae cut in, grinning happily.

"He did?"

Eunhyuk nodded. "It was a big of a shock to us too."

"Wow, do you think he's going crazy?"

"Being our leader has really made him loose it big time!"

The boys all laughed.

"Kibum-ah, you're quiet today," Siwon said, glancing over at him.

Kibum looked out from behind his book and arched an eyebrow.

Heechul quickly smacked Siwon in the back of the head. "He's always quiet."

Ryeowook held up a hand. "Hyung told me to be careful while I was singing, in case people start womanizing me too."

Silence fell over the group... and then Heechul started to laugh.

"What's so funny, hyung?"

"Oh my god." He almost knocked Kibum's book out of his hands as he fell over, still laughing. Kibum gave him a reproachful look that the princess ignored. "He's trying to be manly."

The room was filled with laughter.

"Manly? EETEUK?"

Eunhyuk gasped out, wiping at his tears, "My grandma is more manly than h-"

"Eeteuk is NOT A WOMAN!"

All eyes turned to Kangin, who had stood up and was now glaring around the room.

"He's a MAN. It's not FUNNY."

The room collapsed into laughter once again, drowning out Kangin's indignant growls.

"You're kidding me. You should know, with all the time you spend with him!"

"Yeah, even fangirls are starting to question it!"

Even Kibum joined in the laughter this time, if silently and well-hidden behind his book.

"I mean, it's not only fanfiction... The way he talks... He walks like a woman... Even in the Prettier than Flowers competition, they said he made a good woman." Yesung paced slowly around the living room before sitting between Kyuhyun and Ryeowook. "It's enough to be suspicious about."

Kangin stared. "Hyung... what are you talking about?"

"I don't know," Yesung said, sipping his coffee nonchalantly. "It's just that... some of those noises I hear late at night... someone sounds like a woman, and I don't think it's Kangin..."

The younger man's eyes widened. "I have... no idea what you're talking about."

Sungmin looked up at Kyuhyun. "They wrestle in the middle of the night?"

"Umm...." The youngest ran his fingers through his hair distractedly. "That's... uh..."

Yesung put his coffee down. "Does he play the woman?"

"Th- Yo- Wh- Ohmygodwhatareyoutalkingabout-" Kangin looked around the room for something to hide behind. "I mean.... I don't... know what you're talking about, hyung..."

Sungmin looked up at Kyuhyun again. "They roleplay?"

Kyuhyun had long since given up on responding and settled for patting his hyung's back.

"Well, it kind of settles it. Eeteuk is basically a woman." The older shook his head. "And we don't really have a way of disproving it-"

"HYUNG, HE'S A MAN. I KNOW."

Silence.

"... You know?"

As Kangin looked around the room for a sharp object to end his life with, Shindong glanced at the rest of the room.

"Doesn't anyone else think this is seriously disturbing?" he asked, getting nothing but blank stares and half-grins in return.

"Wait... what?"

“OH MY GOD I KNEW IT!” Eunhyuk and Donghae exclaimed in unison.

Just then, Eeteuk walked in. "Knew what?"

The room once again fell silent as 12 pairs of eyes stared at their Leader.

He was wearing a large tacky tie and his hair was slicked back strangely.

"...what?" He said, looking around the room.

His voice sounded strange too, like he was trying to make it sound deeper.

Everyone continued to just stare.

"... What... are you doing?"

Eeteuk looked at Heechul and gruffly replied, "Being a man."

Heechul looked at Kibum. Kibum looked at Siwon. Siwon looked at Hankyung. And so it went around the room, until everyone was looking at each other.

It only took a split second for the snickering to begin. Kangin was shaking his head furiously, while Kibum kept his face buried in his book.

"... Why would you want to do that?" Sungmin asked innocently with wide eyes, smiling disarmingly.

Kibum facepalmed.

TBC~

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